If you’ve followed my journey here on this blog, you know I’ve always believed in being honest about life’s seasons, both joy and hardship. Grieving something that mattered deeply to me isn’t bitterness- t’s just a part of the honest lament we bring before God.
There are certain things in life that give us a sense of purpose without us realizing just how much they mean to us until they are suddenly gone. For me, serving at church was one of those things. Volunteering wasn’t something I did because I felt obligated to fill a spot or because I wanted recognition. It genuinely brought me joy. It gave me an opportunity to connect with people, to be part of something bigger than myself, and to use the gifts God has given me to encourage and teach other people.
Encouragement has always come naturally to me. When I see someone who is struggling, it warms my heart to remind them that they aren’t alone. I love making someone feel welcome, listening when someone needs to talk, helping where I can, and reminding people of who they are in Christ when they have forgotten. I believe that is one of the gifts God has given me, and serving gave me a place to use it. There is something deeply fulfilling about being able to pour into others, especially when you know what it feels like to desperately need someone to pour into you.
That’s why being asked to pause my volunteering at church for a time affected me more deeply than I think was understood. On the surface, it may have seemed like a simple request to take some time away. But it came during a season when so much of my life had already been taken apart. My marriage was ending. I had left my home. So much of what had once felt familiar and secure was suddenly uncertain. And then something that had continued to give me joy, connection, and purpose was something I was being asked to put on hold, too.
I tried to understand the reasoning behind it, and I believe the request came from a place of care. But when you are already hurting and struggling to understand where you now fit, being asked to stop participating in something that had been such a meaningful part of your life can leave you questioning where you belong. And that was a difficult thing to feel in a place that had once felt so much like home.
We often talk about church as a place where we carry one another’s burdens and build each other up. For me, serving was the primary way I experienced that connection and community. That is why being asked to pause affected me so deeply – it wasn’t about simply having a task to do, but about missing the very heartbeat of how I belonged.
Yet, walking through this season has changed the way I see people who are hurting. It’s made me more aware, more tender, and more present with others who are carrying their own burdens. Pain has a way of softening us, reminding us how much a kind word or a gentle presence can matter. I’ve felt that in my own life, and it’s shaped the way I want to show up for others.
That desire to show up for others is part of why during a season when so much of my life has felt uncertain, serving gave me an opportunity to look outside of my own circumstances for a little while and focus on someone else. When everything in your immediate world is shifting and heavy, there is a profound, quiet grace in simply stepping into a space where you can be a light for another person. It wasn’t about escaping my own reality, but rather remembering that even in the middle of our own pain, we are still capable of extending God’s love. Pouring into someone else’s life often became the exact reminder I needed that I wasn’t forgotten either.
Because when that outlet was suddenly taken away, it brought a whole new layer of complex emotions. I think there were moments when I wondered what this season would mean for my place there. I knew the intention wasn’t to make me feel like I didn’t belong, but when something that has been such a meaningful part of your life suddenly changes, it can still leave you wondering where you fit. I think part of me was simply grieving the change and missing something that had become such an important part of my life. I’ve had to remind myself that grieving a loss is not the same as being bitter – we are allowed to mourn something that mattered deeply to us. Scripture is full of laments, which are honest expressions of pain directed toward God that never lack faith. This is just part of that wrestling..
The desire to serve and encourage others never really left my heart. If anything, this season made that desire stronger. But I’ve also had to remind myself that my purpose is so much bigger than any one place or opportunity to serve. The gift God has placed inside of me is still there, even when I’m waiting for the right place and time to use it.
So I’m choosing to trust Him with that. I trust that He will show me where He wants me to use the gifts He has given me, even if I can’t see what that looks like right now.
And I don’t believe for a second that God is finished using me.
I’m grateful for the people who have walked beside me in this season, and I’m trusting the Lord with what He has for me 🙏🏻
